I’ve been feeling very down today. It’s because of a few things really. I’ve just had 4 days off work, and have been surrounded by people for most of that time, and now I’m back to being on my own all day. I don’t even think I’m in the mood for talking to people, but I just want to be around them.

Legs are really hurting too. To wash my hair, I have to kneel in the bath because the water pressure is so weak (the boiler is downstairs) but I cant get into the bath. So I have to lean over the side of the bath. I tried today, more falling to the floor than kneeling down, and it was absolute agony. But I couldn’t get up. It took me 15 minutes to be able to get up again. It was bloody horrible and really hurt.

I’m definitely making a list for seeing the Doctor tomorrow, so that I don’t get sidetracked and forget to tell him about all the other stuff that’s wrong and how bad I’m really feeling. Mum’s going to come with me too to make sure.

I’m dreading having to walk up to the bus stop to get to work. It’s agony even trying to get up the stairs to my own bedroom! It really is getting me down. I’m just so fed up of being brave for everyone when I really just want to scream. But even as I type that I know that it wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make people tiptoe around me and make them feel bad. *sigh* It probably is a good thing I’m on my own for most of the day. It gives me the chance to get out all this anger and depression without hurting anyone.